Writing for Her

Eventually after 6 months of studying and applying for schools, I passed the most stressful time of my life so far and am moving on. So far it has been better than I expected, thanks to tons of support from family and friends. I did promise when I succeed, I will write a blog entry or a Facebook note, entitled "Acknowledgement", to show my appreciation for them. I truly hope that this day is coming soon :).

Meanwhile, there are always several heart words:

If I am successful, whether in Vietnam or anywhere else, it will definitely be awarded by my mother's sacrifice. My dream is also her dream. 

In 2008 when being given my first chance to go abroad to Peru and the United States, I was so excited that I forgot how my parents could afford the flight tickets to two countries and my stipend in one month living there. After coming back, I knew that my dad had been very uncertain, he told my mom to consider about funding my trip carefully. He even said that he would prefer using the same amount of money for fixing my house's roof. However, my mom was very decisive, she understood how valuable that chance was for a Vietnamese nineteen-year-old girl to grow up, see the outside world and nurture the big future dream. Without my mother, I could not become who I am now and there might not be any "American dream" inside me. 

In 2010, I had a burning desire to take my internship abroad. I was fed up with working in traditional environment and also missed travelling. Although I successfully secured several working positions in Europe and South Asia, the $3.000 flight tickets and traveling cost seemed to be too much for only an internship. Many people, including my dad, questioned if it is worthy to support that much for only an 2-week internship. Whereas, my mom confirmed that it was right to find an internship abroad so that I would gain much more experience than other peers but she encouraged me to choose a cheaper option. Eventually, I decided to go for Taiwan's internship program with Eden and it was one of my happiest life-learning time ever. It would have been nothing without my mother's advice and vision. 

In 2011, after graduating from college, I just could not wait for going abroad to pursue a master, though I had no idea of my desiring major and application process. When my mom forced me to complete the job application instead of school application, I was very mad. I thought she "betrayed" me - she was always the only one supporting me to study further and then turned me down when I needed her the most. I was very aggressive at that time. Nevertheless, I still went to the job interviews and passed through the three-stage employment test as an obligation. After one year of working in this office, I fully understood my mom's incentive of pushing me to go there. The only thing she wanted to do is to train me to be a better person. I learnt a lot from the office - how "adults" behave at work, how they lie to each other, how I cannot fit in and especially what I want to be in the future. If I had not worked in this educational institution, I could have not decided to be an educator and my professional profile could not been that good. 

In 2012, I decided to give up the job with a salary of almost 10 million VND monthly to find my chance again. My mom was very regretful because my job at that time was very good and could help contribute well for the whole family's income. However, she told me that she would not be happy if I do not feel happy going to work everyday. And she said it was the "time to change". From a college teacher to an unemployer - I was not the loser but a stranger. It was just painful to hear my mom explained to other people, who do not understand my vision and my passion. Even now, at this very moment, many people are still so against me or jealous at any little succeed that I made. But you know what? It does not matter - it never does since there is always a great woman holding my back.

So, now people can say I am such a lucky person because I got admitted to top schools. However, I know the biggest luck of my life is being my mom's daughter. Fortunately, this luck lasts forever :)

A Taste of Freedom

Retrospectively ...

I wrote a very politic entry in this blog 2 years ago (during the time joining UCHanu course) about so-called  "the art of governing", which questions the best way an authority should implement to avoid anarchy as a result of civil rebellion against government's restriction. Although the answer is still ambiguous, I have no intensive to dig up all intense political cases happened within the last 2 years to fathom out how this government survives after successively steadfast demonstrations. I am no longer an International Studies bachelor and politics is no more a part of my world. 

Nevertheless, the more I think I am out of this, the more I am able to see our daily life relevant politically in so many extents. Taking my archaic office life as an example, I would have never felt that blithe and carefree after quitting the job if I have not worked that hard in a disciplined milieu. A pupil cannot be attracted to the  idea of play-truant if the school's discipline is not too strict; The food cannot taste that good if being in the mouth of surfeited person...In another word, the governing/ controlling/ rules and norms, restraining people for a long time (long enough for them to be accustomed to, even willing to change the initial personalities for adjudication), are actually crucial catalysts for "a good taste of freedom" afterward. Therefore, the art of being governed is that people acknowledge their liberty only exists under some form of oppression. Human mind can be sophisticated and dull at the same time, consequently an acute government know the best way to trick it. The attenuated border line between freedom and prison grows inside human beings the two most precious things in the world named "hope" and "belief", aggrandizing the tenacity of people to stand for difficulties and look up to brighter tomorrow scenario. 

Monotone

I quit my job at the beginning of August that leaves almost 3 months to prepare for GRE intensively. Honestly, although I might be seemingly distressed, I am having the most favorable time being with my good new friends, enjoying my study (despite it's frantic difficulty) and resting every morning at home. The whole time working in IS-VNU helped me fathom out my incessant enjoyment of studying, which gave me more reasons to resolutely quit my initial work and tenaciously focus on GRE.

In comparison with the old time audaciously took the test with more or less than 100 essential words learnt in the flash card as well as scant Math knowledge grasped harshly from A.Q., I have done so much more this time, being commensurate with higher expectation for myself. The question is it may or may never be enough for scholarship. But I just cannot give up, especially at this moment... I have gone so far.

 I wonder if there will be any other period of time in my life that I feel this much blithe, insightful and assiduous to keep on writing this blog. What happened if someday I become too dull to remember the meaning of "tenacity", "sedulous", "diligence" ...  :)

written in the gym :D

One year passed ....

I have graduated for 1 year and 3 months and threw myself in the "working industry" in 1 year. 

One chapter closed - I quit the job BUT the rest of my life-book still opens - and (maybe) unwritten. 

One year passed and we all grew up naturally like the apple trees ...

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I came back to my closet, I had thought that I would have been crazily happy to wear my old cute casual clothes after a whole year dressing up. But I did not. I did not feel that way. I threw my used-to-be favorite things into the dark site of the closet and started buying new elegant clothes. What happened to me? I asked myself million times in front of the mirror. What happened to me?

So, it seems to be like this... Once you grow up, the old clothes will not fit anymore - either outside or inside out. So does everything else around you. The whole universe is changing everyday - fooling me just do not realize it until now.

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I had lunch with T.A. 2 days ago. He closed his chapter, too. We talked during out lunch - a lot :) - but quietly and maturely like "adults". I told him I had my feeling of the new year coming - it would be like a maelstrom for all young people like us when we step up into a new life level. 

All in all, I am glad I bravely turned another life-book's page that was really tough. I am ready for a maelstrom :)

The cutest blog ever

I still remember, at the same time last 5 years, how crazily Vietnamese young people (including me, I mean) addicted to 360 Yahoo Blog. It is very hilarious to recall all the memories back there I started writing my 360 blog when I was about at 10th grade, blogging everyday on my parents' laptop and having fun with the self shot mirror pics by my super old Sony Ericsson E** and Motorola V3i ( I guess self taken photo is always a part of teenagers' life- even todays). Honestly, I was very "low-tech" at that time by typing the whole blog in without using Vietkey, Unikey or any other Viet software, so it was like: "Chao` mu*ng` cac' ban. de^'n vo*i' Blog cua? Chi" (Chào mừng các bạn đến với Blog của Chi). Then, after a long time running a simple writing blog with no picture (because I had not known how to add image on blog by HTML -lol) and using the "non-visual" Yahoo emotion icons such as :X for or ;) for , I eventually learnt from other bloggers and started uploading my self taken and friends' pics among text in a post. However, changing avatars or themes were much easier - I remember changing my blog's themes everyday, flowing the stream of my up and down teenage moods . My 360 blog, as far as I remember, was very very simple and casual - it was more like a teenager's diary about school and family normal stories - kept in life by the immature, funny but deeply emotional comments from friends (mostly classmates). Although there were always mature but sad posts about people, who no longer are friends or harsh life - lessons learnt day by day that I did not want to read again, I still kept my blog until my second year at college, when Yahoo closed 360 Blog and Facebook begins it's new social network chapter. Blog's closing made million Vietnamese bloggers ( my peers) very sad, they cried on Blog to say good bye, changed the 360 Blog to the Plus Blog, which is also dead nowadays and copied all posts to keep for themselves the "once- in- a- lifetime" memories. I did not ! For me, leaving 360 Yahoo blog was more like growing up or chance to be a different person than who we used to be. I didn't copy any entry - I just left it there,peaceful  in the wonderful, lively and colorful teenage world, which, fore sure, never comes back.

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Nowadays, in the year of 2012, young people around this planet go crazy for Facebook (FB), we cannot live without FB, we check FB at least 10 times per day and we even set up FB automatic notification updating 24/7 on my smart phone, email account, i-pad .... It is no wonder why FB experts have been tirelessly figuring out the best ways to cross fire wall and access FB, against the secret effort of government in banning it. FB is really a "social network" with the true meaning of "network" - it connects people around the world, we always can find old friends, make new ones and update our acquaintance just by some clicks. FB is fast and flexible - pictures, status, comments ... all can be posted by any internet access device. There is no need to write a long-long blog entry to update personal thoughts, HTML picture upload becomes an useless tool and we can actually "see" before "read".  I <3 FB !

I first created my FB account when I was in U.S.(2008) while still holding on the 360 Yahoo Blog. The first 100 friends on my friends' list were foreigners I met while traveling abroad with free mind and free wings. Everything seemed to be very simple at first. Then, the sudden death of 360 Blog pulled all Vietnamese young people to FB, pushing my friends' list to an unexpected number that forced me to stop adding friends of my friends or FB strangers. Who are they? Do they know who I am? Or they just see my picture on FB of a random person, clicked "Like" button and double click "Add as friend"?? Who are they to have the right commenting on my FB notes or private photos? Again, do they know who I am? FB makes connecting people/ making acquaintanceship so simple that it scares me screw things out of control. I closed the FB searching result, guiding to my account and customized my FB for just friends right in the first week working as a college teacher.

FB sometimes bother me by updating many people, who share pictures and statuses everywhere they go, everything they do, every food they eat, how good they sex they had last night is ... And girls, uploading so many romantic photo albums,, proudly make comments and share with the whole world like it is happily ever after but eventually secretly delete them all after breaking up and creating a new one for new boyfriend. Is there any point of doing such thing?

Once Facebook becomes it's owner's social face, deleting old FB posts doesn't help healing scars, arguing on FB is just like slapping our face and ironically, people would like to unfriend others on FB rather than in reality.

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I still enjoy blogging though, even when this blog does not have many followers, I write for myself - free mind & free wings

Flash

It have been a long time I don't feel like writing this blog because my life in the recent 6 months cannot be described as "Adventure" as it used to be. It has been "same old same old" - going to work, facing to the computer, having lunch box with co-workers (still facing to the computer at the same time), going to GRE class (with a little effort of concentrating after being exhausted at work), coming home very late at night, skipping dinner and family's delighting moments). Although I love my job working with young students, my current office life has treated me "sleeping pills", making me forget what I used to be and how adventurous I am. No wonder why many young people change their plan from "temporary" to "permanence" working in stable governmental organizations. Taking "those pills" overdose and being pushed further and further in the one-way trail of working industry, I need to find my way out.

Making an excuse of having a fever (actually I was, coincidentally), I stayed at home for the whole day to watch TV shows on Star World and (it is hilarious) talk to myself in English. I miss thinking and communicating in English rather than my shy and childlike Vietnamese, which I completely failed in the last effort of changing. I miss myself and the way I feel comfortable among friends and students - I even miss this blog so bad ! It is amazing how the one day off switched my mind back to 6 months ago - before I started being sick of this job and dying inside gradually.

I need to find my way out of it. Today's decision my lead my future to the huge risk - but it is totally fine because it is how we define "adventure". (Smiling Face)

The tough progress of growing up

As the name of this blog- Chi-chi's Adventures, I like having adventures and being adventurous becomes a part of my characteristic. The best thing of any adventure (either small or big one) is that you feel like growing up through once in a life-time experience.

When I was in Taiwan, along with some friends, I stayed in the church and got familiar with staying up late doing my laundry and acting nice with people. At that time, I just realized that there was no where like home, where I can skip some of my personal tasks and someone would finish the rest without saying any word. For example, I had never hanged my wet clothes to dry because I was too lazy going up stair, opened the door and found a appropriate way to hang them on. My dad, my mom or the family's helper would hang them on for me afterwards, they may complain a little bit but most of the time, they don't. So, staying up late to wash clothes and waking up early to hang all wet stuff (not only mine but others) were strange to me everyday in Taiwan. I though, hummmm, I am willing to hang on clothes for strangers but never feel that enthusiastic when helping my parents.At that moment, I wish I could come back Vietnam to hang on all wet clothes in my washing machine at home that childlike ideas actually made me cry once in Taiwan.

Now at work, as the youngest person in my office, I take my responsibility of doing errands such as pealing the fruits, cleaning fruits, wash all lunch boxes, buying things ... Sometimes, I feel like people take me for grated or take advantages of me by asking me to do things or being lazy completing their personal tasks. They used to have a list of people taking turn to clean the office, wash dishes or cutting fruits but now they don't because I am the office's little helper. I mean, people at the office are quite nice and those errands are not too difficult for me but the fact that we always have to act nice and support all people except our family makes me  tired. It's very tough when we get into a new community, I understand that. Considering it as a "daily adventure", many parts of me have been grown up everyday.

The more tough my life is, the more I love my parents. Life is precious !!