I just want to make my mind straight by writing down all everything below, so for any of you, who by any reason, read it and get confuse, I'm so sorry about that.
The first thing striking my mind right now is my future, which has been partly showing up, even still foggy, after almost one month at work. At work, there are many people having master degree from foreign education system, have been doing the same job as mine. Of course, they may have higher salary and allowance but the type of work is almost the same. It makes me wonder who I am going to be in the near future.
I mean, after a few weeks, I feel like the only dream I have is studying abroad and so do my parents. But no one ever ask: "What's next?". Actually, the only reason why I want to go oversea to study is to have a better future for my family and for myself as well. The more mature I am, the more I feel like should be some "mistakes" in my characteristics, making me love and hate being in Vietnam at the same time, making me be so confuse all the time staying here and forcing me to find the answer for the question of who I am... ]
However, what will happen after a master degree?
A. Coming back to Vietnam and back to the job that does not require my master degree
B. Staying in U.S. or any other countries, living like a foreigners for the rest of my life and work like crazy to keep my job
C. Master - Husband - Kids --> Family model
I used to think that there are only girls, accepting the "normal life" after having no chance for higher education, decide to become housewives. But now, here, I see many nice, talented and educated ladies who work very hard at work as well as cover all jobs at home for the lazy husband and small kids. In addition, they "accept" their type of job instead of "enjoying" it because the current job is already much better than other ones.
I like my job, actually. But I also feel like I deserve to work in other place, devote myself for other field and end my single life in a different way.
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Second,
As you may know by updating my facebook, Douglas D.J., my greatest teacher passed away a few days ago. I was so regretful that I haven't done anything which I had planned for him. I was too busy and depended so much on my own excuses. I hate myself taking others for granted. Just miss him.
I remember Doug talking in class with the background of black slideshow. I have just told chi Trang, who sitting next to me at work, the day Doug died, "I like the lecturer delivering black and white slides with many gaps- their lecture will fill in the gap for students". I love his lectures. He's the one that I have never claimed for anything, just great.
I remember Doug working as Hanoian tour guide and introduced me to many tourists : "my great student! she knows every thing". It's the first time I worked with my first $70
I remember Doug teaching for kids at Dr.Lan's English class, remember the potato chips, cheese cake, water he likes and the way he ask : "What's going on?"
I remember An and I came to Doug's flat in a rainy day, asked him about everything but could only give him back a fruit. We were both so childlike.
Doug's passing away taught me so many lessons of life. They would not be called "self lessons" if I list them down here, so I decide to keep all for myself. :).
Thank you Doug.
And Thank God for leaving me here enjoying my own sky.
One day I will go visit Doug, thầy nhé ! hugs
