In the middle

There were so many things happened in the last couple days. I don't know how to start ...

I just want to make my mind straight by writing down all everything below, so for any of you, who by any reason, read it and get confuse, I'm so sorry about that.

The first thing striking my mind right now is my future, which has been partly showing up, even still foggy, after almost one month at work. At work, there are many people having master degree from foreign education system, have been doing the same job as mine. Of course, they may have higher salary and allowance but the type of work is almost the same. It makes me wonder who I am going to be in the near future.

I mean, after a few weeks, I feel like the only dream I have is studying abroad and so do my parents. But no one ever ask: "What's next?". Actually, the only reason why I want to go oversea to study is to have a better future for my family and for myself as well. The more mature I am, the more I feel like should be some "mistakes" in my characteristics, making me love and hate being in Vietnam at the same time, making me be so confuse all the time staying here and forcing me to find the answer for the question of who I am... ]

However, what will happen after a master degree?

A. Coming back to Vietnam and back to the job that does not require my master degree
B. Staying in U.S. or any other countries, living like a foreigners for the rest of my life and work like crazy to keep my job
C. Master - Husband - Kids --> Family model

I used to think that there are only girls, accepting the "normal life" after having no chance for higher education, decide to become housewives. But now, here, I see many nice, talented and educated ladies who work very hard at work as well as cover all jobs at home for the lazy husband and small kids. In addition, they "accept" their type of job instead of "enjoying" it because the current job is already much better than other ones.

I like my job, actually. But I also feel like I deserve to work in other place, devote myself for other field and end my single life in a different way.

----

Second,

As you may know by updating my facebook, Douglas D.J., my greatest teacher passed away a few days ago.  I was so regretful that I haven't done anything which I had planned for him. I was too busy and depended so much on my own excuses. I hate myself taking others for granted. Just miss him.

I remember  Doug talking in class with the background of black slideshow. I have just told chi Trang, who sitting next to me at work, the day Doug died, "I like the lecturer delivering black and white slides with many gaps- their lecture will fill in the gap for students". I love his lectures. He's the one that I have never claimed for anything, just great.

I remember Doug working as Hanoian tour guide and introduced me to many tourists : "my great student! she knows every thing". It's the first time I worked with my first $70

I remember Doug teaching for kids at Dr.Lan's English class, remember the potato chips, cheese cake, water he likes and the way he ask : "What's going on?"

I remember An and I came to Doug's flat in a rainy day, asked him about everything but could only give him back a fruit. We were both so childlike.

Doug's passing away taught me so many lessons of life. They would not be called "self lessons" if I list them down here, so I decide to keep all for myself. :).

Thank you Doug.

And Thank God for leaving me here enjoying my own sky.

One day I will go visit Doug, thầy nhé ! hugs

The start of something new :)

Panda at work

Suddenly, I become an officer- a teacher in International School, Vietnam National University. Today is my 6ht day at work.

There are many reasons why I applied for the job and I can list them all right in a few second. I knew that from the very beginning when my mom convinced me to finish my application form although I was totally busy with the TOEFL and GRE study. Of course, my final objective is going aboard to study master- sooner or later. But the new job really rocks my world and gradually gives me the chance to see the "adult wold" in a different way.

I cant believe that one day- like today, I wake up at 5:45 with the first thing in my mind: "What am I going to wear to work", stop going to the gym, prepare lunch box, wear make up with "working make-up style" and leave at 6:45. It is great somehow, I mean, when you look at the mirror and see a mature teacher-officer is smiling to you in a childlike way. I like that feeling. :)

Well, there are many things about work I want to share but they all can wait for another free time. This entry is just for Chi Lan, my colleague :D. I have just known CL for almost 1 week but very early C.L became my ideal model. It's very funny that in other places that I used to work, I was always the one who rearrange everything from messy stuff and create the handy technique to deal with problems quickly, and in this place, C.L is the one. I feel like I meet the mature version of mine, or at least, I wish I could be someone exactly like C.L.in the near future.

From this work, I will be trained for details rather than the general/ abstract points as many previous working places, which is also a thing making me stay with this job.

As the time for lunch soon ended, I need to take my nap now :D

Random thoughts

Well,

It has been such a long time since my last blog entry although I promised to write more, even after UCHanu course. Sorry for that. As you all know, time flies fast and there have been so many unexpected things happened recently in my life, preventing me from keeping my writing habit. But just forget about it and let's talk about something else !

---------------

So, what the hell is happening to the world now? :P

We have talked much about the situation of Vietnam and other South East Asian countries when fighting against Chinese benefit towards South China Sea. Beyond my expectation, the South China Sea dispute this time has been affecting many young educated Vietnamese much more than the previous time although Government doesn't want to publish too much information and citizens are still afraid of Anti-Communist force's taking advantage from the dispute. Youth is simply pure and easily vulnerable- it's understandable why they enthusiastically take part in the protest and are willing to do everything to show their patriotism. 

It reminds me to the case of Norway in the last few days, when the locals were terrified by a young gunman, who seems to be a victim of mental disorder, causing his extreme reaction. So, vulnerability of young people may lead them to nowhere but hurting themselves and even others. However, it is obvious that vulnerability is a part of growing process and once people get over it, they will gain so many experiences and become a better people in many ways. It was claimed in one speech, named "The art of vulnerability" that Sam shared me last week. We did discussed a little bit on email: 

"... I agree that vulnerability is in the border line of shame- fear and joy, happiness. People need to accept or even try their best to practice their vulnerability to grow up. My old boss always says that :"when you feel challenging, it's the time for you to grow up..."

Just a few thoughts running out of my mind before getting in bed.

 I'll be back in the next day as "tomorrow will be better" (Hilary Clinton).

 LUV